This actually always made me really upset
I’m thirty now, and this still really upsets me.
I AM CRYING I CAN’T RBETHE
OH GOD THE SECOND GIF ELLEN LOOKS SO CONCERNED OH GOD I WANT ELLEN AS MY MOM OR MY COOL AUNT CRIES ABOUT IT
THAT EXPRESSION PEOPLE MAKE WHEN THEY’RE ABOUT TO FALL OFF A CHAIR
IT IS THE BEST EXPRESSION
"I shouldn’t be the superhero’s girlfriend, I should be the superhero."
I think the best compliment I’ve ever received was when I was in my school library and this guy came up to me and said, “Hey you look kinda like The Legend of Zelda.”
The Legend. The entire Legend of Zelda. Wow.
Some women want to be house wives and some women want to be Harvard professors and some women want to be porn stars and some women want to be nuns and some women want to be surgeons and there is nothing wrong with anyone’s profession I am sick of people being rude to women about their professions oh my god
I didn’t get any cake yesterday cause apparently my dad was still working on it.
He brought it to school today and I’m just-
is all of that
wtf i think your dad just defied the law of physics and pastries
In the delivery room
mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
the person pretended to be a goat so the goat pretended to be a person
"look here you dumbshit did you forget how to two-leg"